Dear future historians, I am 20 year old white girl. I live in an upper middle class town on Long Island (West Islip). I am living with my mom, dad, 2 sisters (13&17), and my grandma. The day is April 10th 2020. I know you people care about these statistics. I almost don’t even know where to begin to describe how life has changed since Corona. I guess I’ll start with school. All of our classes are online now. It doesn’t bother me for my communication and education (I’m an adolescent education major) classes. But I do feel like I’m struggling in my literature class. The readings can be complex and have themes and stuff that i don’t really pick up right away. Before corona, we would have class discussions and everything would click in my head. But having discussions on line doesn’t sit as well with me for some reason. Concepts don’t feel like they’re clicking in my head. But it feels manageable. I’ll probably get a B or B+ in the class instead of the A that I was shooting for before all this shit happened. I used to go to office hours often at school before the Corona. But now, having office hours on Zoom feels more vulnerable to me for some reason and I don’t want to do it. I rather send an email with my questions to my teacher. My younger sisters who are in middle and high school say that they are getting assigned more homework than usual. My boyfriend is being assigned to watch 6, +1 hour videos and then write discussion posts about them for his Art History class. None of my teachers are giving me an overload of work, but I know people that that’s happening to. I only use Zoom for one class, which is about teaching literacy. I love that class and my teacher. In that class, one student each class teaches a lesson and then the rest of the students have to give feedback. This is our first time giving online lessons. It’s definitely more challenging because it’s something we’ve never done before. Ok I’m gonna switch to talking about location now. I have been quarantining at my house and my boyfriends house. Last week I spent 2 weeks at his house, but I don’t plan on doing that again because I feel guilty taking him away from his family. My bf and his family are Dominican. His mom only speaks Spanish, his dad speaks a little bit of English, and my bf and his siblings are bi lingual. The people staying at his house are his parents and his older sister. His two older brothers are quarantining at their own houses. His sister has her own apartment, but she comes home I assuming so that she feels less lonely. She works for HBO and is now working from home. I feel best when I’m at my bf’s house because we don’t talk about the Corona Virus at all. It’s nice to feel like things are normal. We talk about movies, shows, ANIMAL CROSSING. We are living presently. Whereas when I’m at my house, the only thing my parents talk about is corona. They complain about Governor Cuomo not doing enough. They complain about how people are hoarding food and the shelves at the grocery stores are empty. they don’t stop. It’s all they talk about. I hate hearing it. There is nothing that we can personally do about it but stay inside, so I don’t understand why they don’t just focus on that. They work themselves, and me, into a spiral of anxiety. There is nothing we can do about it. So there’s no point in talking about it constantly. I dread eating dinner with my family because I don’t want to hear it. I lock myself in my room most of the time to avoid them (as in my parents and grandma). Okay now I’m gonna talk about my relationships. I have always had an estranged relationship with my dad and grandma because they’re racists, hate foreign people, sexist, and have no concept of race/class/gender structures and powers. They’re constantly spewing hateful shit. So I have become very distant with them. Then last year there was an incident where my dad wanted to commit suicide (long story) so I called the police. For some reason that literally makes no sense, my grandma threatened to kick me out of her house (even tho my parents pay for it too). Ever since then I have hated her. But she pretended that incident never happened and acts like everything is normal. I never got an apology. She try’s to talk to me as if we have a good relationship but idc. She tells me she misses me when I’m at school, I just say thanks. I don’t care about her and as fucked up as this sounds I don’t care if she gets corona virus. My relationship w my dad isn’t the worst it’s ever been, but I will never like him. I don’t like being around him at the moment especially because he is the one who talks about the corona virus to most. But I’ve learned not to fight with him, I just shut down and go into another room so I can save my energy. I love my mom, she is a good person and the definition of unconditional love. She is very anxious about corona, but I don’t mind hearing her talk about it bc she doesn’t do it in a complainy way. She just lets out her feelings. She doesn’t sit there and blame everyone under the sun. My sisters and I have ok relationships. We’re comfortable with eachother but I wouldn’t exactly say friends. We have different interests due to our age gap. Sometimes we watch movies together. My relationship with my friends is okay. I’ve never had a lot of friends and the out of the ones I do have, I don’t totally love all of them all the time. But I have been FaceTiming my roommate and that’s good vibe. I like most of my college roommates but there is one I don’t care if I talk to ever again. Despite not being the biggest people person, I am craving deep connection and good conversation. I hate being away from my boyfriend because he is the worst communicator through the phone that there is. I know he is like this with everyone but I can’t help but take it personally. It makes me frustrated at him that he texts dryly and never reaches out to me first. I’ve told him this and I know he’s trying his best, so I appreciate that because I have been seeing progress. Regardless, I’m bored and lonely. I want to go to a yoga class or to the library. Let me talk about hobbies: I’ve been reading a lot. I finished Kindred by Octavia E Butler and now I’m reading Parable of the Sower by the same author. I have two more books coming by the end of this week through amazon. I finished a whole show already called Broadcity. I also finished all 22 seasons of America’s Next Top Model. I’m currently watching Sex Education on netflix, but I don’t particularly like it. It’s just something to keep me distracted. I’m not a big fan on TV, especially Netflix show. I think the scripts and acting aren’t the best. But I don’t have much else to keep me distracted. I’ve been painting my nudes, trying to help me accept my body. I’ve been gaining weight during quarantine and it makes me feel insecure, because I had lost 75 lbs and I’m scared of gaining it back. I have been doing tarot cards. I use a lot of crystals. I’ve been reading a book about teaching social justice, which it is my dream to be a Diversity and Teaching teacher or something along those lines. Mostly, I feel a little anxious bc I feel like I’m constantly waiting to go to sleep. My sleep pattern is so fucked up. Last night I went to bed at 6 AM and woke up at 4:30 PM. I like it like that for some reason. It makes the day feel like it’s going by faster. I have $90 to my name rn. I have been working since I was 14. I have never been this broke before. I want the school to give us our refunds so I have a little bit of security. I should apply from unemployment, but I heard it’s hard to get through at the moment because the whole country is applying. I think that’s all for now. If I have anything else to say I’ll make another post. Goodbye for now xoxoxo