pandemic Diaries

By: Christina Avana, April 2020

DAY 1

A Pandemic, something I have not experienced in my life before, well at least that I would be able to remember detail by detail forever.  While the events on 9/11 happened when I was born, so I didn’t experience it first hand, I know that many lives were taken and effected by this.  Looking back, I thought that that was the worst thing that could happen.  Until now…  While I am not making light of 9/11 and this is an awful time in the history of the United States, we knew from where this stemmed.  This, the Coronavirus is something that we cannot see, unknown, uncharted territory. As being 19 and able to understand, what am I to understand? One day I am up at school getting ready for Spring break, and the next, I am quarantined in my home, with my family.

DAY 2

Nonstop news about the coronavirus.  Not enough information.  Where did it come from, who caused it, all speculation?  The Chinese Virus it’s called.  Something created in China and effected the whole world.  How can something affect the World?  A Global pandemic.  What am I to do with these words?  I am not alone.  Everyone is asking the same question with no answer.  This is not my fault; I cannot control the outcome of this.  Is this the fate of the world?

It’s spreading, Italy has over 60 cases reported in a 24-hour timeframe.  People are dying all over.  Sadness, gloom, despair, depression is setting in.  If people are dying there in these great numbers, what is happening here. It’s bad here, but not with that kind of numbers.  It’s coming, something bad, something worse.  Grandparents, parents, aunts, uncles, brothers and sisters, their dying.  Is this an apocalypse?  The end of the human race?  This is like watching a movie.  Unreal, a sense of loneliness.  I can’t explain, it. People are here in my house; how can I be lonely?

Coronavirus is shutting down schools. Schools are now closed possibly for the remainder of the semester.  Online classes are to begin soon.  What will that be like.  It’s hard to a have classes with no personal interaction at least for me.  The tensions are mounting, the pressure is building and I do not like feeling this way.  Can’t get my work done with all the distractions.

DAY 3

My parents are wearing masks and gloves when they go in and out the stores.  Sometimes they get what they need and sometimes not. Supermarkets, are working around the clock to keep shelves stocked as people are buying as if they are building a panic room or bomb shelters.  There is no toilet paper, paper towels, hand sanitizer and Lysol around.  The shelves are empty.  Panic buying and people hoarding add stress to trip to the grocery store.  For now, my parents seem to get what they need and aside from eating take out or making different foods, we are making due with what we have in the house and are not starving.  I really believe that this will not come to pass.  There is plenty of food in this world and I would really be surprised if we run out.  Thank goodness for farmers.

DAY 4

My parents are in a state of disarray.  Calm to the eye, but chaos inside.  My family owns a transportation company, which now seems to be the forgotten industry as people are putting it.  No work, no money, nothing is coming in. Quarantined in the house full of crazy people.  A brother that shows no concern, a sister is more concerned over eating and tie-dying her clothing than anything, a mother that is on the phone calling no one that answers and a father than plays games on the computer all day and sleeps the day away.  Easy way for forget what’s going on.

DAY 5

Social distancing, this is new.  You have to keep space between yourself and other people. They recommend stay at least 6 feet from other people, do not gather in groups, stay out of crowded places.

What happens to my friends?  I haven’t really seen anyone in a while.  I went to the beach and met up with some friends.  We sat in our separate cars and talked through the windows.  6 feet apart in separate cars is really hard to do.  You never think about this until you actually have to do it.  We drink coffee and discussed, what? Nothing.  All of a sudden, we have nothing to discuss besides this virus.  Things are unimportant these days. Words are meaningless and pointless, there is nothing to look forward too until this pandemic comes to an end.  When will that be, there is no date in sight?

Don’t even know what day it is. Days are going one into another.  Information on the internet or on the news is more detailed these days.  Or maybe not.  Contradictory conversations are all over the place.  No one seems to be on the same page. The President says that everything is good and beautiful, while the doctors are making a little headway in a cure. Information is misguided.  My parents’ concerns are growing stronger.

Shelter in placeStay wherever you are, at home, until the threat is over during the COVID-19 pandemic to help prevent the spread of disease.  This can be months.  The thought of this lasting months, is a nail biter!

DAY 6

We decided as a family that we would not watch the news on the television all day.  We’ve talked about the virus and how we have to stay home and be safe. I overheard some conversations between my mom and dad talking about people being hospitalized, death tolls and fears for our friends and family. We have family affected by this and I am sad, scared and helpless.  I can only help at this point by sending our thoughts and prayers to those affected by this disease and let my family know that I am hear for them and thinking about them.

Anxiety, maybe not for some, although I don’t understand how not everyone, but for others, the psychological stress, the constant worry, crazy unpleasant thoughts that run through your mind, boredom.  Trying not to think of it.  I do my homework and my assignments and I go move on.  Watching my 2-year-old cousin is a distraction, so that helps.  But then he goes home and here I am…bed to couch to kitchen table to bed.  Too much time to reflect on what I am feeling about all these uncertainties.

OMG tomorrow is another day. 

DAY 7

How to get through a quiet day?  Binge watch episodes of the Kardashians and Vampire Diaries.  I saw them all already, nothing like repetition, no cliffhangers here, but it helps with the not sleeping, tiredness, and continuous eating, what could be worse? Is this my new addiction?  I thought it was chickpeas!!

I miss school and I miss my friends. Being stuck at home for this long is torture. Having contact with my family only causes nothing but fights, it’s horrible. I miss my old life. College was my safe place. I cannot wait to be let out of this lockdown. The second it’s over is the second I leave for days and never stay in this house again, it’s bad. All I do is fight with my siblings. My brothers are annoying and rude, my dad’s loud and my sister is just an annoyance. No one understands the fact that I’m not on break, I have homework and class work and I AM STILL IN SCHOOL. This isn’t my free time, I can never get anything done without my dad speaking, it’s extremely annoying. I need out of this house before I go absolutely insane.

DAY 8

Taking a deep breath.  Heard on the news this morning that that the number of confirmed people leaving the hospital is getting higher.  That’s a good thing. Did we reach a peak?  People are getting better and that makes me happy to hear positive news instead of only concentrating on negative reports.

So, my nails are a disaster.  What to do?  All the nail salons are closed.  Idea, have my mother give me a manicure.  Hey exciting, something different to do. Okay, not the best decision I’ve made so far, polish all over my skin, bumps in the polish, nails filed crooked and changed the color several times. For what, no one can see it anyway, oh well, just because. 

Ok so wanted a drink, I went to the cabinet to get a cup and took out a paper plate. What was I thinking, oh yeah, I’m not!! I’m going crazy.

DAY 9

I need out of this house, it’s getting worse. No one stops fighting!! Too much family time going on. We all need to go our separate ways but there’s nowhere to go!! What am I going to do? I need to see my friends and I need to go outside and relax. I need to drive around with my friends and blast music on the parkway to the beach. I need to go out and party with my friends or just meet up with everyone and have a chill day. This whole facetime thing every night is not doing it for me. I am dying of boredom. I NEED OUT!!!!

DAY 10

I miss my old life, before this virus. I miss my freedom. I miss Oneonta and doing what I want when I want to. I miss seeing my friends every day and going out with them or watching movies. I miss not being told what to do or being annoyed by my siblings. I miss my independence and I cannot wait for this to be over to get that back for the remainder of the time I’m home and so on in college. Sophomore year is approaching as freshman year starts coming to an end. We don’t even know what our rooming situation is yet because were all sidetracked and behind. This is insane, I hope things get better within this month. It needs to.