7 November 2020
Diary Entry Seven: Two-Hundred and Sixty-Two
It’s been two-hundred and sixty-two days since our formal quarantine began, though some think its over. I’m starting to realize that that little voice in my head might’ve been right about taking a gap year. Online school is absolutely abysmal, especially if you’re a Chemistry major like myself. I genuinely cannot believe this is my life.
The year started off okay. I felt optimistic about online school, and I felt like maybe I would be able to handle the responsibilities of juggling due dates, studying, a job, my social life and my home life. I was miserably wrong. Like, I genuinely could not have been more wrong about anything. Learning calculus from your bedroom is not easy in the slightest. Doing chemistry labs on a computer screen after you’ve worked a 9 hour shift is not easy. Having to join a breakout room with random people on a video call is just weird and obnoxious. To add on to an already horrible experience, everything bad that could possibly happen in my life decided to happen. I didn’t do absolutely anything for two straight weeks because I was crying in my bed and wanting to rot away. I’m in no way trying to place blame on anybody but myself, because I should’ve still been responsible enough to get myself together, but alas, that is not what I did. Ever since those two weeks, I’ve been in a really negative headspace when it comes to school. I get anxious from even looking at my laptop. I know, it’s only my first year and I’ll have many more to get my grades up and actually do well. To be fair, we are in the middle of a pandemic, and the conditions for learning weren’t exactly the best, but still. It sucks knowing that you’re capable of so much more as a student, but not being able to show your professors that. My mom however, is still going to kill me after she sees my grades.
P.S.: That felt AMAZING to get off my chest.