Maggie McCann || April 14th, 2020
Woke up around 10am today, I’m finding it less and less important to get up at a certain time, I know that’ll catch up with me, a schedule is a very important way to stay sane. We had a facetime call with my grandmother this morning, she’s in a hospice nursing home, last time I saw her was a few days before her home got locked down, my mom, sister, aunt and I all stopped by for a few hours, this was well before anyone was wearing masks or staying home but they had us use hand sanitizer, asked us where wed been in the last two weeks and took our temperature. We found out a few days ago two workers and a resident had tested positive, we expect its more from what weve heard nursing home have not been forthcoming with how far the virus has spread and we unfortunately don’t expect much different from “The Manor” but were just hoping the best for my grandma and were talking with her as often as we can. Not that there’s anything to talk about, I told her I scheduled my classes for next semester at least three times, my mom went through every plant in our new garden and I think my dad went through the particulars of his day by the half hour, and we still had 20 minutes of video call to fill. There’s nothing to talk about, nothing new is happening accept the death toll is rising and more things are being closed. I really can’t imagine how this is affecting everyone’s mental health.
I’ve certainly gone a bit off the rails a few times now. I did a face mask last night, highlight of my week and I sent my boyfriend at least 20 snapchats of the process, this morning I danced to nothing while I made vegetables and eggs for breakfast for the 4th day in a row. Might as well be Groundhog Day, that might honestly be better than the progressive severity of everything. These journals are really helping me keep track of days and somewhat understand how I’m feeling, at least be aware of it, if not I might just forget what day it is all together. Everyday seems to have that weird Sunday afternoon anxiety, even the weekends don’t feel much different apart from drinking after 5pm. And I know there are plenty of people who have it much worse, I’m not a nurse or a doctor, everyone in my family is safe and healthy but that doesn’t mean I’m not scared, overwhelmed, overstimulated by the news, the numbers being thrown at us just getting bigger and more unimaginable by the day, and I’ve stopped listening to the president all together, the nonsense spewing out of him and his twitter has nearly sent me to tears more than a few times, I am lucky to be living in new York, we’re at the epicenter of the whole thing but at least Mayor De Blasio and Governor Cuomo are sane I seriously think they’re doing the best they can and I am so grateful to be able to trust them rather than the bumbling idiot in the White House…
Speaking of going of the rails… these journals may just devolve into therapy sessions with myself.