writing out my frustrations and fears, I guess

I have never been more frustrated in my life. This Semester is really doing a huge number on me. AND I’M ONLY TAKING 2 CLASSES. It’s not just school that’s frustrating me; it’s really everything on top of my classes: Work, home life. I thought I didn’t really have a social life before the virus, but now it really is non-existent. It doesn’t help that I’m so depressed almost all of the time, and because of life, I have no actual freedom of my own. I can’t go anywhere really anyway because of virus restrictions, I have no access to a car, so I can’t drive myself anywhere, which really restricts me from just leaving my neighborhood, let alone leave my house.

I’m really struggling in one of my classes because it’s hard, but it shouldn’t be, but it is. Like just one aspect of it really makes it all more frustrating and confusing, and I need it to actually graduate this semester, and I just want to be done with college so badly even if it ends in this really awful situation where I don’t get an in-person graduation, and I haven’t seen my friends in months. The last time I saw some of my friends from college other than my roommate who lives close to me before the virus was literally on my birthday when I left for spring break. Then spring break turned into quarantine lockdown and now I’m permanently home, and I will most likely not ever see or hang out with the majority of my friends ever again.

And now I feel like even if I do graduate, which God hopefully I will this time, I don’t think I’ll actually feel like I actually accomplished anything. I always try to stay optimistic and positive about things, I just really want everything in my life and families life to just get better so we can move on from all the hardships and difficulties this nightmare year from hell has put us through.

Sorry, this got kind of depressing. Obviously, I’m going through a lot, and I just wanted to write everything I was feeling and put it out there. But I’m all good and I’m going to get through all of this. And honestly writing everything I was feeling (then editing and spell checking) helped a lot 🙂