Author: RUIZC07@oneonta.edu

Hey readers! LOL. I like imagining I have a ton of fans out there reading my posts. I’m posting kind of late at night, but I spent all day doing school work. I was talking to a friend yesterday and she said something I thought was very relatable. She said, “It feels like there’s more work now, then there was when we were at school.” I absolutely agree! I feel like I had so much more free time back in Oney! I was super stressed today, though, not only from school work, but also from real life problems. I gotta figure out what I’m gonna do for summer work. Bills keep coming and no one gives 2 f***s about people struggling financially in this epidemic. I don’t really curse a lot, I cringe when I do, but I get so mad/frustrated sometimes and it slips out. This may be a long entry, but I just gotta vent. Anyway, back to bills and financial stress. My mom got laid off also because of this epidemic. My dad’s the only one working right now. I’m concerned because she’s been dipping into her savings for rent. Sometimes, I wanna cry out of frustration for how helpless I feel. I know crying is not weakness, and I respect those who can show their emotions in front of people, that’s bravery. Unfortunately, crying doesn’t fix anything, though, so if I were to cry I would just feel useless and I probably wouldn’t be able to stop, honestly. Haha, probably TMI, oh well! I didn’t get to work out today, I think that may be why I have so much negative vibes. I haven’t smoked in over two months and times like these I could really use a smoke on the roof. It’s something me and my housemates used to do back in Oney. I can’t smoke when I’m home:/ Life’s a struggle, but oh well. Anyway, I’ve also been really stressed because I’m gonna be a senior next year and I AM NOT READY TO GROW UP. I used to have a plan. My plan was I would graduate high school, go to college, major in psych, graduate college with some kind of honors, go straight into the Peace Corps about a month or two after, then go to grad school and then figure out what to do with my life. It’s crazy that life really doesn’t go the way you plan, no matter how hard you try staying on track. I don’t want to do the Peace Corps anymore. I would like to help people, but I’m afraid of growing up, honestly. Well, I’ll write another entry on my future life plans after this, for now I will vent. I have come to the conclusion that me and my brother will have to get jobs ASAP and my mother can stay and watch my sister. I am also very stressed because I had bought a car from a random person before this s**t happened and now I can’t even drive it around because I was never able to register it and switch the license plates and change the title. I’m stressed because I keep getting this thought in the back of my head ‘what if I bought a stolen car?? and the guy just ran off with the money???’ I’m a little nervous because even though this sounds cocky, I am never wrong, even when I wish I was. I have a sixth sense of knowing everything, and it’s a blessing and a curse. Okay, I’m gonna move on, I hate talking about my problems. It’s pointless, if no one’s gonna solve them for me. Side note: I am not a negative Nancy, I’m only negative in my mind and I’m typing literally as I think. Also, I had some revelations I’ll share in my next entry, this one’s already super long.

So, last time, on TOTAL. DRAMA. ISLAND! Hahaha, that was a good show. Anyway, so I’ve had tons of time to think in this quarantine, one of my least favorite things to do because I feel like I over do it, about my future. I used to have a plan, as I said before, but just now I was talking with my brother, he doesn’t know it but he’s low key my best friend, and I think I came up with a plan for my future that I am content with at the moment. First, though, let me just say I hate that at 20/21 I have to decide what I want to do for the rest of my life. I feel like I am still an infant and should have more time to decide my future. I think people are forced to decide their futures way too early. Okay, so that’s off my chest, My plan is to graduate from college this upcoming year, hopefully having accomplished something or at least having 2 jobs. Then, I am planning to move to Massachusetts and work and live there for about a year or two and then go to grad school there. Ideally, I would like to be working in something that will eventually, either pay for me to go to grad school or support having flexible hours so that I can balance grad school and work. The only problem is that it always comes down to what do I wanna do for the rest of my life. I hate committing to something because then I feel like I’m trapped and I don’t like that feeling. I wanna do something that makes me happy and makes me want to wake up in the morning to go to work, but I would also really like to do something that pays me to help others. However, I would also like to get paid a decent amount of money so I can afford to buy the things I’ve dreamed about since I was a child. Unfortunately , I can’t have everything. I wonder if there are students reading this thinking, damn this girl needs serious help. HAHAHA. I crack myself up. I had a thought earlier, totally unrelated to this. What if, when we yawn it’s our soul screaming and when we suppress our yawns, you know how our eyes “reflexively” water? Well, it’s actually our bodies crying because we don’t listen to our souls/inner selves or whatever. But people didn’t like this and didn’t want others to know so they made up the whole thing about yawns being for oxygen to the brain and science-y stuff. I swear I’m not high, I just have random thoughts. Then I was thinking of the guy in the portrait in The Good Place, S1:E1 or E2. Well, this was slightly shorter than the last, I think. I should be doing my work….

Hey! This is my second entry, probably a little late for intros, but better late than never! My name is Cecille Ruiz. I am from Hudson, NY (the cutest little city in Eastern New York). Well, I guess I will tell you a little about myself, so you can understand my point of view. My favorite colors are blue and pink just like cotton candy. I worked two jobs on campus, back when we were still on campus. I miss my jobs, sometimes. I prefer working in real life as opposed to this whole virtual reality life I feel like I’m in. I hope things go back to normal soon. I went for a walk the other day with my family to get some food. This lady was also walking up the street and she said “I think you all should be walking in a single file line.” There’s four of us, by the way. We were so shocked we all stood there staring at her confused. LOL. We were in such shock we didn’t know what to say. We all stood there staring back at each other, I think she was waiting for us to move first. LOL. I laugh every time I think back to this. We just left because we didn’t know what to say, but then later we thought of a bunch of funny things. That was off topic, but I don’t really know what to say. I have so much I want to say, but I have no idea where to start. Oh, by the way, I am Mexican, 20 years old ( I turn 21 in JUNE!), I do have white skin, though, so don’t picture any stereotypes. I have two loving parents, and two younger siblings and my major is Psychology. I can’t wait for summer! I love the warmth of the sun on my face. Okay, well, that’s all I can think of. I will keep you updated when I think of more things to say. Ciao!

Today we went out. It was a good day, even if others might be mad for what I went out to do. I went to pick up my car that I bought from a sketchy man about a month ago. I bought it before this pandemic. It has less than 95,000 miles on it and it only cost about $4200. At the time I could spare that kind of money. I should have waited to make the purchase, for many reasons. Anyway, it was a good day because I got to go outside and I got to drive! Man! I miss driving and having my music loud with the the windows down and my left hand feeling the wind, the freedom. It’s literally nothing, but its one of my simplest pleasures in life. I can’t wait for everything to go back to normal. I am so bored at home and so tired of seeing the same four faces everyday. I go outside on the regular, but I miss seeing other people and being able to talk with strangers without all the panic and hysteria. Now, going outside is a hostile environment with people being ruder than ever. (Ruder sounds weird… I wonder if its even a real word.) I have stress and I need the economy to get back to normal so my stress levels can go back to normal. Well, this is my good day lol.