diary entry nine: two-hundred and seventy-six

21 November 2020

Diary Entry Nine: Two-Hundred and Seventy-Six

          It has now been two-hundred and seventy-six of this slow and torturous cycle of life. It literally feels like yesterday was March, and now suddenly it’s the end of November. Is this just how time goes by when you’re getting older? Speaking of which, It’s hard to believe that my birthday is in less than a month.

          I’m going to be nineteen years old. How is that even possible? That seems so old. I genuinely remember being 12 years old and it feeling like it was yesterday. Now suddenly I have to shave everyday, and I swear I’m starting to get joint pain. Aging really isn’t something that bothers me. I’m not scared of having to be responsible, or dying or any of that. My fears regarding aging have to do with physically looking old. As much as I try to dispute it, I’m definitely a bit high-matinecne when it comes to my appearance. I don’t wanna see my skin sag, and I DEFINITELY do not want to see my hair fall out. I feel like I’m gonna be one of those old people with tons of plastic surgery that end up looking really weird. There’s a huge chance that I’ll just outgrow this weird fear too, but who knows. It’s also crazy to think about how close to twenty I am. When I was younger, I thought I’d be married by age twenty. I definitely do wish I was married, and to a very wealthy man might I add, but I think I can see how unrealistic that was to think. It’s also weird, because twenty seems so old, yet so young. I feel like I’ve almost made being a young teenager part of my identity, and now it’s not going to be anymore. I probably sound ridiculous, but it really has been in my mind lately.

P.S.: I wonder what gifts I’m going to get!