The Semester of Living Dangerously
A Pandemic Diary Project for Housebound Students, Faculty and Staff of SUNY Oneonta
April 13, 2020
Today I did a lot of my nutrition homework and finished up my proposals for biochemistry. I can’t wait for quarantine to be over because I had been at my house all day. At least my parents get to go to work and have a different environment. I’m definitely more irritable also because I don’t do much during the day.
The day is gloomy and overcast, matching the mood of not being on campus at SUNY Oneonta today. Our classes will meet through WebEx later today but it’s not the same as prior.
Our spirits are high with hopes that some of normal life may return in May. Our department has been excellent through this crisis, an I am grateful for meaningful education continuing over the last four weeks.
The experience of social distancing and self quarantines have taken a toll on everyone I know in one way or another. Graduations are cancelled or postponed. New mothers can’t show off their newborn babies to friends and family. Kids and their parents are stuck at home; seeing them playing outside while I walk by knowing it is their only reprieve is sad. There’s a small park one house away from mine that is usually crawling with the neighborhood kids with the start of the warmer weather, and now it’s rare that anyone is there at all. There’s only so much we can do, and that is to actively do nothing. I’ve personally found this to be a really stressful time, knowing I really don’t have the option to go see friends, even though everyone was forced home from college.
There are now 37 cases in my county and I think it is just started to be taken seriously. Being as far upstate as we are, there was a lot of ignorance thinking that the virus would not reach us, but alas, those escaping the diseased city sought safety in their summer homes and without knowing it brought the virus with them. There was the initial panic buying, and the grocery store remains busier than it probably should be. As of now, there are about a dozen people I know of who have either been tested, gone to the emergency room, had to self-quarantine due to exposure, and one has even died.
Local businesses have been suffering, most food places have temporarily closed. Those that remain open still seem to have customers as I’ve driven by but everyone is so wary of each other. The virus has made us fearful of living.
Nadia Boyea – 4.11.20
I have anxiety and my heart races just with thoughts of dreaded things that are upcoming. I am older and this just started recently-in the past 3 years because of many things in my life that are just not controllable. I have always been a “fixer” and I cannot “fix” what is going on around me today; this causes me sleepless nights and crying jags. The one thing that keeps going through my mind with all this chaos is, “Will the world ever be normal again?”
i.e.-Will we want to wear masks for a long time after this is done because we don’t trust officials to judge if it is safe? Will the job market recover? Is this the next Depression? How many will die? Will family or friends that I know die from this? If many people get sick in this rural area, how will we have enough ventilators? Will I die from this? These thoughts have caused me to update my obituary and death instructions and tell my family where they are located. I am not afraid of dying but I would like to stick around to see my grand children grow up. I also worry about my brother and daughter in law who work in healthcare. My Mom is in a nursing home with dementia and Parkinsons, will this take her life? If she does get COVID-19, will I be allowed in to see her in her final hours? I haven’t seen her since March 6th because of the lockdown at her facility. She doesn’t understand any of this and thinks we just left her there to die. She is angry and lashing out at the nurses and aides. I don’t want her to die with that frame of mind, in turmoil.
We moved in with my mother in law a year ago and she has dementia also. She is very confused, and is shocked by the death tolls everyday but she only understands that no one can find toilet paper at the store. It is funny the way the mind protects people from the evil in this world. I asked our Pastor to Facetime with her today because when he prays with her it seems to give her peace. What will give me peace though?
Ever since the extended spring break, everything had changed. I mean everything. There were no longer Friday gatherings, no longer ‘classes’ and no longer freedom.
I have come to Oneonta as an exchange student for one semester. I don’t regret it by the way. If I had to come again, I would definitely choose SUNY Oneonta, no second thought. It was mostly the people that I liked. The kind and funny professors who helped me get through this new studying environment. The friends I made and encountered, none of them were unfriendly or unkind. Actually, they were so nice that it encouraged me to be a better person.
Now, thinking that those people have left. There is so much hollowness in my heart.
Hard to believe that Easter (which is usually the sign of the start of Spring and a time of rebirth) is going to be spent hunkering down inside our homes during a global pandemic. I can honestly say this is not something I ever thought I would experience. Having been quite sick in January with H1N1 Influenza A which put me out of work for a week and led to a rather dramatic visit to the emergency room, this fresh pandemic is fairly disturbing to our whole family. Fortunately, we are all well.
We are now leading a relatively simple life. Michelle and I have been working at home for almost two weeks straight now which is a mixed blessing. It is difficult to keep up with meetings etc. online and I have had to evolve my teaching into an online format as well. I am quite low tech so much of my teaching is converting point form notes into crisper written format for students and converting their tests into open book online tests. Students are responding fairly well. Michelle is also doing meetings online and also virtual reference work.
Our daughter Sara is also at home. Her lifestyle consists of waking up at 10:30 a.m. and playing video games as well as virtually chatting with her friends. Usually we find some of her social media habits annoying but, in this case, it is helpful to keep her connected with her crew albeit virtually. She has also been doing schoolwork online. All students in our school district have Chrome Books (minicomputers) which allow them to do work remotely. Her teachers have been quite organized keeping touch about schoolwork and assignments. Keeping Sara motivated is a bit of an issue.
We don’t venture much out of the house except to go for walk around the block and to the grocery store once a week. Visits to the store now include the obligatory face mask. I have stayed away from my office and brought all my files home. The highlight of the week is getting takeout once on the weekend. We had Jamaican food last week and Sara votes for Tex Mex burritos this week.
I am an international student from Vietnam, and at the moment, I am staying on campus at Bacon Hall. Apparently, I am the only one staying in this wing. I have barely seen anyone walking outside my windows for days, or even heard the sound of music across the hall. Moreover, I started talking to myself while walking in circle–probably this pandemic has had a different impact on me. When the daily routine was taken away I finally understood how precious it was. Being in the classroom, walking on the campus and seeing people, or even eating in the dining halls (the food that most of students has been complaining about). Now, I feel like I need those things, even if it is just a day or two, I wish I could come back to that normal life.
Maggie McCann || April 12th, 2020, Easter.
Weirdest Easter to date. To have something to look forward to my family decided to do a small brunch, my mom made a vegetarian egg casserole, I made a vegan oatmeal bake and we got bagels, lox, spreads and lots of champagne and orange juice. I was home last year for Easter I was planning on coming home from school this year for the weekend, we usually switch each year from my Mom’s side of the family to my Dad’s we were already planning on having a much smaller Easter than usual, we were going to my Grandparent’s house and do the usual Easter diner, we still do an Easter egg hunt because we have a few little cousins in the family, soon It’ll be my older cousins kids were doing it for. My grandma always makes way too much Italian food, her way of reminding us were not completely Irish. She is from Malta, grew up in Brooklyn, but my family consists of a bunch of blonde haired blue eyed men and my Grandpas still got his Irish accent, so she reminds us were not completely Irish from her amazing chicken cutlets, stuffed shells, sausage and peppers its watered down Italian but its still amazing, thinking about it is making my mouth water. But we didn’t have that this year, this year we had bagels lox and champagne from 12pm to 10pm because we finally had something to celebrate.
A few days ago, my parents and I started the garden in our backyard, something else to keep us busy especially once classes ended. There’s no end in sight for any of this so it’ll be me and the basil plants until further notice. I’m starting to get used to being home, the option of leaving is still missed but I’ve picked up guitar again, I’m slowly remembering how to play its been a few years but I’m enjoying it, I think my dad is too he’s been desperate to get me or my sister to start playing an instrument again.
There’s two more weeks ahead of me until finals week, I have a music video project draft and an environmental sustainability assignment due tomorrow, I was planning on doing them today, that did not happen, although there seems to be no end in sight the passing of time still shows me were closer to that end date than we were yesterday, whenever that end date may be.
As if things couldn’t possibly get any worse, they did. Bernie dropped out of the Democratic primary today. Which means I’m going to have to vote for Biden. All of this cannot be good for my mental health. Ryan is especially upset, he’s been a hard Bernie supporter since 2015. He said he just wanted to able to vote for him once, even in a primary, even if he knew he wasn’t going to win, and now he doesn’t have that chance. Katie said she’s not going to vote at all. When she said it I jumped on her. Everyone in the group chat did in hindsight it was not the right reaction. It’s essential that we vote, even if we have to vote for Biden its better than not voting at all. But I understand where she’s coming from, it feels hopeless. We all said we don’t even want to have children if Trump stays for another term. But we shouldn’t have jumped on Katie. We’re all in this together.
I’m skyping Ryan tonight. We haven’t talked in a few days. Besides texting, we need something to distract ourselves from the Bernie news. We’re going to watch Doctor Strange and plan on drinking a bit after today’s news. There’s been a lot more of that recently. There’s lots of jokes online, and a string of drink recipes on TikTok and twitter. It’s a weird side effect of social distancing. We’re all unemployed and stressed as hell and liquor stores are some of the few stores still open so people are drinking.
April 12,2020
Today is Easter and I am really sad because it is my favorite holiday and I can’t go to the physical church to celebrate. Me and my family watched it together once I woke up since my priest made a video of the service. I actually made 3 appearances in the video since they took picture from previous Easter Sunday services and I serve on the altar during these. We had a really nice family day even though we could go to church.
April 11, 2020
Today I worked a lot on my nutrition assignments. There are so many, and they are so long it’s hard to do them all at once or the night before. My dad also made calzones tonight and they were so good! My family is trying to only buy food and gas at this point to save money.
In uncertain times, imagination can be a blessing and a curse. I am torn between checking the news to stay informed, and boycotting the media to keep negative and paranoid thoughts at bay. In truth, it is impossible to distinguish between what is realistic and what is paranoid. How much of what we hear is an attempt by those in power to control the masses? And to what end? Some stories seem to lean toward producing mass hysteria; others to negate the extent to which this pandemic is crippling every system in society. I don’t know what to believe. I am afraid I am taking this too seriously. I am terrified that I am not. It is the uncertainty, the isolation, and the powerlessness that feeds my fear.
Now more than ever, I must channel my faith. I tell myself that nothing is ever certain. That despite the seemingly overwhelming circumstances around me, God’s got this. Though I haven’t faced anything like this before, I have lived through some perilous times. I hope. I pray. I will not allow fear to dominate me.
We are in this together. God bless us.
4/10/2020
I feel like a mouse in a trap. I’m stuck here with no idea what going on. The virus is spiking in NY. My mom works at a nursing home where most, if not all, of the patients have tested positive and now she doesn’t feel well. I just wish this monster would go away just as fast as it spread. It has made me pessimistic about everything. The government can say whatever they want about the it but no one really knows what to do. Worst case scenario, it’s like the Walking Dead (hopefully without the zombies), rationing food and supplies. I’ve already started eating less just in case the super markets and public businesses are shut down.
As terrible as this plague has been I’ve realized that I am very lucky. I have my family that loves me, I have food, I have a place to rest my head. There are people other there of all ages that needed the free lunch system at schools to eat daily. There are people that depend heavily on food pantries. There are people in abusive households that have been stuck there for weeks now. There are people who don’t have access to their medicine. There are people who can’t even hid from the monster because they don’t have a home.
Yes, families fight all the time but at least we are all together during this time.
Everyday feels the same, no matter what time of the day I wake up. Good thing for Xbox and electronics, but I have played to the point where my head hurts. This feels like a sick dream. I am scared for the future.
On April 4th, my mother-in-law passed away. She was a gentle and loving, supportive woman, not at all like the stereotype of a dreadful interfering mother-in-law that you see in films and commercials. She was living with dementia in a local nursing home, and as she declined, my husband and I would go try to peek in the windows to see her, as we were not allowed inside. Finally when they realized it was the end of life, they let us inside, and we spent the last 3 days sitting by her side, reading poems, singing, reading from the bible, weeping and holding her hand. So I am very grateful that we got to spend that time with her, and my heart goes out to the many folks whose loved ones are passing in hospitals, without the sound of a loved voice or the touch of a loved hand.
But then the other thing, the part that makes this covid diary worthy or weird, is that she did not pass away from covid 19. And I feel I have to say that to everyone I tell. “My mother-in-law passed away, but it was not from covid-19”, so they won’t think that she was infected, that I am infected, that we are under the shadow, this dreadful, all-powerful raptor that has spread out its vast dark wings above us all, our county, our state, our country, our world. It was just death. Like life and death. The mortality that infects us all.
April 10 2020
Rose late today at 7am. Leaped onto my elliptical for 5 hours and a 35 minute strength training session with the vengeance strength kvlt bros. Rainy and cold or else I would walk outside during the COVID outbreak. With all gyms closed, I rely on my fitness know-how and body weight to make do until they open again.
Chores with my mum pass the time along with homework to get done before the weekend. Easter is still happening for my family and we are all together. I’m wicked happy and blessed everyone is safe and healthy in my family . Hail to the Sun to keep all men safe during this trying time.
This is a pretty sick time to be alive.
It’s pretty sick that we are living through a historic pandemic.
It’s pretty sick that seniors lost precious time
Sick that the death toll is increasing each day, that people are not staying inside, that we cannot hug our loved ones.
It’s pretty sick that air pollution is decreasing, that people are coming together to support each other, that we get to step back and hug ourselves.
Breathe in the air, but not too much because it’s a pretty sick time to be alive.
April 10, 2020
Today I didn’t have any classes, so I did some homework but not much. I also facetimed by boyfriend a lot and we did an online puzzle together. It was super hard. I finished both my essays for two different classes but I am going to wait to submit them so I can reread them. I found out today that 2 people I know have family members with COVID-19 with is so scary!
Classes have moved to a digital format and my childhood bedroom has suddenly taken the place of a library, dorm room, gym, etc. I am learning to live, work and play in a confined space while trying to stay connected with friends and family. I have noticed my productivity comes in waves. This time requires that we be patient with ourselves. The days feel as if they are melting together. My mom and I have been able to practice our cooking and baking skills and we are starting to experiment with new recipes. Long walks on the local bike path have been the highlight of my days. I have picked up trash along the roads near my house and have seen other citizens doing the same. While people are consuming less and commuting less, Earth is receiving a much needed rest.
My family and I have been quarantined for weeks. It is very bad in our area (Westchester, New York) and I don’t see this ending any time soon.
Everyday I wake up scared I will hear that a family member or friend of mine has caught the illness. I have already have had one family member pass and many scares.
My family and I have been staying inside the house as much as we can. Only going to the grocery store when we absolutely have to. It has been hard to shop. My area has a strict restriction on the amount of products you can buy so we, as a family of 8, have struggled to buy enough food for all of us.
In other stores like our CVS, they lock the doors and only let a few people in at a time. Once you can go in, you must stand on the orange tape X’s on the ground when on line and there are large plastic drapes separating you from the employees.
For me and my family, it gets scarier as the days past, especially since I have two immediate family members at risk (my mother and father). I pray that this ends soon for the sake of everyone’s health and so that I can resume my life as a 20 year old college student
As if I thought my online shopping addiction
Began and ended while physically attending college,
it snuck up on me, it’s virulent fangs piercing my wallet
“buy the Xbox” it whispered, devilishly into my ear
here I am, days later, up late, playing games
one Xbox ‘richer’
I really do. I was a sophomore in college this year and feel like I lost so many memories that should have happened up at school. I sit in my house and hear from almost no one, which is a huge reality check. As young as I am, I am a part of the compromised. I am a severe asthmatic.
I wish there was more I could do to help myself and others during this isolation. But I can’t.
Hopefully this will be over soon.
What do I do now? I’ve worked hard for 4 years I’ve planned so I wouldn’t be back at home with my parents, so I could start my adventure and the life I’ve dreamed and prepared for, but now my job is “not essential ” so it doesn’t exist right now. I can’t apply anywhere else because my degree is not essential. The places I wanted to go are all closed. So I have to put my life on hold bumming at my parents house with no job. My boyfriend and I were supposed to get married once my adventure was over, now I have to tell him to wait a while longer, “how much longer?” I don’t know. I don’t know how long this will go on or how many people we will lose, how the economy will recover or people looking at you (“do you have it?”). I know it will end. How it will end or what’s on the other side I don’t know, but I know it will end. Until then what do I do now?
Imagine we knew that this would happen? If we were able to predict it…Would we have been able to prevent it? To stop all the chaos? Or would it still have spread so fast…so uncontrollably?
Imagine someone in the past saw the future..saw this massive chaos without even knowing? Did someone in the world have a dream…or even vision… of the world shutting down?…Did the world shut down?
Imagine if life doesn’t get back to normal? Is this life the new normal?
Imagine someone in the world sees the future…dreams of what it will be? Does someone in the world know if life will get better…or even worse?
Imagine someone in the world knows the outcome of each route. Would they tell anyone? Would anyone believe them? Do they even believe what they envision?
Imagine if you were able to know the future…Know what will become of the world after this chaos is over…Would you want to know…or are you better just imagining?
To be honest, I’ve felt both like I have an ethnographer’s responsibility to document this time—and also so overwhelmed with just holding it together (with teaching, with my people at home, with all of the feelings…) that I get a little cranky and resentful about feeling this imperative to be meaningfully productive with this moment. I AM ALREADY A FULL TIME PROFESSOR, PARENT, AND SPOUSE. So, like, I’m not baking sourdough or sewing masks—much less collecting data on, say, experiences of pregnant women during COVID isolation. I don’t even wish I were someone who could do it all. Right now, I just wish the sun was shining Oneonta, but it’s Friday, April 10, and it’s snowing.
I got sick right after I moved out of the dorms, but I was so focused on trying to keep up with classes that I didn’t think much of it. That was until I started looking up my symptoms. I had severe chest pains, shortness of breath, slight fever, body aches, loss of taste/appetite; sound familiar? Everyone in my family and all my friends were convinced I had Corona. They started to quarantine me in my room despite my belief that it was something else. It was terrifying, thinking I had it. Seeing on tv and everywhere on the media how terrifying it could turn out. Would I be able to study abroad in the fall? Would I even survive that long if I had it? (I’m immunocompromised so if I were to get it, it could be lethal) With all these thoughts in my head I was scared to go to the doctor. Scared to be right. Thankfully it was only a respiratory infection, but it was terrifying. It makes my heart go out to all of those who are in such a terrifying position in this time of disparity.
As a Type I Diabetic I have been very isolated from people for about a month due to my compromised immune system. This has really impacted my mental, physical, and emotional well-being. I am someone who enjoys peoples’ presence and dislikes being lonely, but I have been feeling it a lot recently. School seems to be extra difficult as I find it hard to focus since my attention is being pulled in different directions. I am hopeful for the future and the curve is already flattening!
6/10/ 20
12:36 pm It’s Snowing.Cat’s sleeping. Slippers off. If we can take this isolation being enclosed I am pretty sure the trip to Mars my grandkids might take is a possibility.I hope the puzzles we ordered come in the mail today. Milk is running low.
April 9, 2020
Today I had a test and I think I did pretty good. It was hard because I could see the time which made me feel rushed. Online school is definitely harder than actual school. I feel like teachers expect more even though it is harder for us to actually learn. I watched some Netflix and didn’t really do much homework because I was tired for some reason. I heard that COVID-19 is slowing down and that the next 3 weeks are very important for people to stay inside so that the spreading stops.
Maggie McCann || April 8th, 2020
As if things couldn’t possibly get any worse, they did. Bernie dropped out of the democratic primary today. Which means I’m going to have to vote for Biden, all of this cannot be good for my mental health. Ryan is especially upset, he’s been a hard Bernie supporter since 2015, he said he just wanted to able to vote for him once, even in a primary, even if he knew he wasn’t going to win, and now he doesn’t have that chance. Katie said she’s not going to vote at all, when she said it I jumped on her, everyone in the group chat did, it’s essential that we vote, even if we have to vote for Biden its better than not voting at all, but I understand where she’s coming from, it feels hopeless, we all said we don’t even want to have children if T*ump stays for another term. But we shouldn’t have jumped on Katie, its just as bad as not voting, were all in this together.
I’m skyping Ryan tonight, we haven’t talked in a few days besides texting, we need something to distract ourselves from the Bernie news, were going to watch Doctor Strange plan on drinking quite a bit tonight after , I’ve been doing that recently, drinking, we all have actually, there’s lots of jokes online, there’s a sting of drink tutorials on tiktok and twitter, it’s a weird side effect of social distancing, were all unemployed and stressed as hell and liquor stores are some of the few stores still open so, were drinking.
April 8, 2020
Today I did a lot of homework and I have a test. I did really good on my test. My mother told me today that we should stop going to the grocery store because of COVID-19. We have plenty of food so we will be fine. I also have a test tomorrow and I am really nervous.
April 7, 2020
Today I had two classes and I could not focus. Being in my house all this time has made me so tired and unmotivated. I still have about a month to go to. I ate a lot of food today but also didn’t do much homework because I was so unmotivated. I had taco bell for dinner though so that was fun.
Maggie McCann || April 6th, 2020
It’s my cousin’s birthday today, she’s turning 19. We would usually have had a big party at her house, lots of food, lots of alcohol. Today we drove by at 4pm and wished her a happy birthday from our car window. It was a beautiful day today too, we would’ve been out in her backyard until two in the morning, my Aunt barbecuing, my Uncle keeping the fire going, I probably would’ve invited Ryan down, I’m looking forward to bringing him to a family barbecue, this summer well probably be having one every weekend to make up for this.
Or maybe not. Going to the store today to pick up a card for Steph I didn’t even get out of the car, everyone was wearing masks, I wouldn’t’ve gotten close to anyone, but the fear of being in a public place was enough to keep me put. What happens when this is all over, will we every be comfortable to hug eachother again? Hold the door for a stranger? Maybe well have parties again, we might go to movies like we used to, but things won’t feel the same. There’s no problem with being a bit more cautious, if we want to keep gloves on hand why don’t we, but I don’t know if well be ale to socialize the way we all used to, not if this goes on for much longer.
I miss Ryan a lot, we’ve been skyping quite a bit, almost every other day, hes still working at the supermarket, he’s been busier than ever, he stocks so thankfully hes in the back, not working with customers. I haven been in a store in about three weeks, I don’t know what they look like now. I can’t wait to see him again, I cant wait to see my friends from school either, weve been skyping once a week, we’ve not much to talk about other than what we wish we were doing and what we have to do instead. Weve all taken up hobbies, I picked up my guitar again, Julie’s taking extra cello lessons. Grace has been drawing a bunch more and just ordered strings for her Ukulele, and if all those hobbies fail to keep us entertained, I’ve been trying to lean a tiktok dance for the past week.
It’s my cousin’s birthday today. She’s turning 19. We would usually have had a big party at her house with lots of food and music and games. Today we drove by at 4pm and wished her a happy birthday from our car window. It was a beautiful day today too. We would’ve been out in her backyard until two in the morning with my Aunt barbecuing, my Uncle keeping the fire going. I probably would’ve invited Ryan down. I’m looking forward to bringing him to a family barbecue. This summer we’ll probably be having one every weekend to make up for this.
Or maybe not. Going to the store today to pick up a card for Steph I didn’t even get out of the car and everyone was wearing masks. I wouldn’t’ve gotten close to anyone, but the fear of being in a public place was enough to keep me put. What happens when this is all over, will we ever be comfortable to hug each other again? Hold the door for a stranger? Maybe we’ll have parties again. We might go to movies like we used to, but things won’t feel the same. There’s no problem with being a bit more cautious. If we want to keep gloves on hand why don’t we? I don’t know if we’ll be able to socialize the way we all used to, not if this goes on for much longer.
I miss Ryan a lot, we’ve been skyping quite a bit, almost every other day. He’s still working at the supermarket, he’s been busier than ever. He stocks so thankfully he’s in the back, not working with customers. I haven’t been in a store in about three weeks. I can’t wait to see Ryan again. I can’t wait to see my friends from school either. We’ve been skyping once a week. We’ve not had much to talk about other than what we wish we were doing and what we have to do instead. We’ve all taken up hobbies. I picked up my guitar again and Julie’s taking extra cello lessons. Grace has been drawing a bunch more and just ordered strings for her Ukulele. If all those hobbies fail to keep us entertained, I’ve been trying to lean a TikTok dance for the past week.
April 6, 2020
Today I worked on chemistry homework and did a lot. I love getting things done early but most of my group members wait until the last second which is hard for me. I’m also starting to hear about people I know having relatives pass away from COVID-19 which is so scary. In about a week I also will be making my schedule for next semester and I really hope we are able to go back. After dinner, me and my mom made lemon squares and they were so good!
April 5, 2020
Today I studied for history and started the review sheet. It is so much harder to study when your not motivated to go to class to learn and pay attention. I found out the stay at home order is moved to April 30, 2020 which is horrible because I really just want to go to the boardwalk or do something. I had a really good dinner though and watched Pirates of the Caribbean. We were also told that when we go out in public we should wear masks even though previously we were told not too.
April 4, 2020
Today I worked on studying for my chemistry exam that is next week. There is so much information, but I finished the entire review sheet over like 6 hours. I had nothing else to do so why not. I’m having pulled pork and potatoes for dinner so I’m really excited. I also got 2 recommendations sent in for my internship! I hope I get it. I would be gone all summer, but it would make me feel good that I have an internship under my belt. I can ft my friends and boyfriend over the summer. I also hope it doesn’t get cancelled because of COVID-19.
April 3, 2020
Today I worked on my 3-day menu and activity for the internship I applied for. I never realized how much effort goes into planning these things. I also didn’t really eat much so by the end of the day I felt really sick. I watched Netflix when I took breaks too which was nice. Not much happened today and I am getting sick of doing the same thing every day. Might start a workout routine. The morgues in hospitals are running out of room to keep people and they have to keep dead people’s bodies in refrigerated trucks. That is so scary and kind of gross to think about.
Some dogs wear bandanas and make it look good. These dogs are born to it — endowed with a confident, frisky, cool spirit that finds expression jauntily wearing a bandana. Cosima is a bandana dog.
With recent advice encouraging the wearing of face masks in public, Cosima’s bandana wardrobe is being repurposed. Thank you, Cosima, for your sweetness and love, and thank you for the face masks.
We went food shopping today, after being home for nearly two weeks.
To be honest, we were scared. The stories we heard from our cashier neighbor – frightening in the extreme! Long lines; people waiting for an hour or more to get in; people not finding what they needed and getting frustrated and angry; the shock of empty shelves; people stealing items out of other people’s carts – none of this gave us any confidence at all. Based on all of this, my daughter and I decided to go together to make it quicker and to go really late in the evening, at an off-peak time.
It was surreal. There were a good number of people in the store but that was not the most surprising part: it was the silence. There was no background “music-to-shop-by,” no announcements on “sale items fresh from the bakery,”, no “people-out-and-about” noise of any kind. The only thing we heard was the muffled shuffle of feet. Even the creaky carts were silent. No one chatted or even said “excuse me.” Wide-eyed and fearful, people pushed their carts, looked at everyone else as a potential food-stealing enemy, and grabbed things quickly off shelves. One woman was actively crying, tears streaming down her face, as she pushed her mostly-empty cart from one aisle to another. She made not a sound.
April 2, 2020
Today I took my nutrition test and I think I did really good on it. I guess I will find out what I got soon! I realized I have two tests next week so I am not excited. I also had my first music class online and I learned a lot about my hand positioning on my violin and it helped a lot. I do prefer going to orchestra at school more though. I also don’t get to have a concert so I’m really sad about that. I also have to start studying for my two tests. I have so much going on!
It’s always felt like a cool thing to dump on young people and blame them for everything. But something that really grinds the gears of those of us in the Millennial generation is when we get blamed for things that aren’t our fault.
Basically if anyone wants to dump on young people, the headline has to read millennial. Watch what you say Boomer, or I won’t teach you how to unmute yourself on Zoom.
In response to the coronavirus pandemic, one of my many cousins set up a WhatsApp chat group for our family so that we can stay in touch during this time. I have at least 25 first cousins on my father’s side of the family, most of whom are on the chat group. Many of my cousins are parents and grandparents. The family is very large and scattered across the world: Jamaica, the country where my cousins, grandparents, parents, aunts, uncles, siblings and I were born, Canada, Australia, the United Kingdom, and the United States. The U.S. based family live in New York (me), Virginia, Florida, California and Texas. It is a lively, multi-generational, diverse, and widely dispersed group which makes for spirited chat.
The initial messages on the chat that I saw consisted of family members joyously greeting each other and expressing their gratitude for this platform on which to communicate. Tidings of staying healthy and staying at home were exchanged. Pictures of family, flowers, food, mountains and beaches were posted; however, there was one post that defied the jocular chat exchange. Bobbie, my cousin Geoffrey’s wife, posted that he was out of bed and on the couch, the worst was over and that he was recovering. Geoffrey lives in Texas, works in the medical field, and travels a lot for his job. He is a husband, father, grandfather, brother, and cousin. He is also one of the over 200,000 confirmed U.S. Covid-19 cases.
Thankfully, Geoffrey recovered from Covid-19. My cousin Barbie asked Geoffrey to share the symptoms of his illness with the family chat group so that we would know what to expect in the event that one of us became infected with the coronavirus. Geoffrey generously shared his battle with the disease. His illness was a real wake-up call for the rest of us. It was dreadful. It was miserable. He had a fever for 12 days. He had no energy. He had no appetite. I thought that some good could come from Geoffrey’s suffering by sharing it with others. Geoffrey generously agreed that I could share his symptoms on the pandemic diary project. I am grateful for his willingness to share his account with us because it vividly illustrates the seriousness of the disease:
…, at first I felt tired with just a little lack of energy. Fever and decline came on quickly. Next day the dry cough started and lack of appetite. Energy level dropped to very low and stayed that way for two weeks. Overall feeling of bad illness like you would feel having a bad case of the flue. Although from a subjective point of view it felt different than anything I had felt before. The expected aches and pains associated with fever and staying in bed for so long. Some of the main symptoms I did not experience is tightening in the chest and shortness of breath. I did shallow breath to avoid stimulating the cough as much as I could. I pray non[e] of you have to experience this and I feel blessed I did not get to the point of hospitalization.
This illness was so bad, my cousin used a very expressive, colorful, Jamaican curse-word to describe it. I won’t write it here because only Jamaicans would understand the meaning and forcefulness of the word. And it’s not a nice word although, trust me, it is an apt description. Any illness that gives you a fever for 12 days deserves to be cursed at.
Geoffrey recently received the all clear from the health department. He is released from quarantine. His wife Bobbie is in quarantine until the middle of April. His daughter and family will be in quarantine until early April. He may have antibodies now to protect him from another bought of Covid-19; however, he is taking no chances. He continues to practice social distancing because he does “not want to tangle with Covid- [curse word] ever again!” Geoffrey is wise. He knows firsthand the power of Covid-19. He is a survivor. He is resilient. He is grateful. One of my other cousins paid tribute to Geoffrey by nicknaming him “COVID Warrior” He is a warrior. He is my family’s COVID-19 warrior.
Maggie McCann || April 1st 2020
We’ve made it. Were out of March. The year long month. I cannot believe its only April. Both the passing of days and the world outside have slowed to a snail’s pace, or at least in the city it has. I can imagine things are feeling a bit less apocalyptic outside the city and New Jersey, were seriously in the epicenter here and every day I hear of a new person, a friend of a friend, a co-workers aunt, a sisters boyfriend, all testing positive, its creeping closer and closer.
I left my house for the first time in four days today its starting to get nice out so were taking walks, my family and I. we took a ride down to Lemon Creek park, it’s the best my family and I have gotten along in days, my dads started working every other day at work so were all staring to get exceedingly stir crazy ad were taking it out on eachother. But today we went on a walk, the birds were all nesting in the group of bird houses in the park, we spent a while watching those, we recreated a picture of my sister, my dad and I from maybe ten years ago, and we walked the beach for about a half hour. My parents told me about an old factory that used to sit right on the water, they hung out there with their friends in the 80’s until it burned to the ground in ’97.
We stopped by my grandparent’s house, we stood at the curb while my grandparents barely stepped out of their doorway. the one thing everyone keeps asking is “are you going to the store?” or “do you need something from the store?” this time it was my grandma asking my mom for detergent, coffee and paper towels (if there were any) we stood and talked for a while until we all went back home.
April 1, 2020
Today I had to study a lot for my nutrition test. I studied with my friends from school on facetime and it was really fun! It made me realize how much I miss studying in the library till 3am together. I also watched another episode of “Elite” today which was fun. I’m really nervous for my test tomorrow but it’s open notes so I should be fine!
It’s a bright, chilly early spring day. It’s April 1. A day to celebrate tricks and pranks. I’m outwitted and deceived and it’s OK. It’s fun to be fooled, sometimes. On the other side of midnight is April 2. Today moves into tomorrow.
What is on the other side of the pandemic? I’m hopeful and worried about what the answer includes.
I wash my hands for myself and for everyone around me. I wash them thoroughly for at least 20 seconds. Careful, precise actions are impactful. My hands are so dry and so clean. I think I remember my last handshake.
When we teleconference I wonder about the rooms of my colleagues. Are their rooms warm or cool? Do they smell like fresh brewed coffee? Are my colleagues alone in their rooms, or are others with them out of frame?
We’ve made it. We’re out of March. The year long month. I cannot believe it’s only April. Both the passing of days and the world outside have slowed to a snail’s pace, or at least in the city it has. I can imagine things are feeling a bit less apocalyptic outside the city and New Jersey. We’re seriously in the epicenter here and every day I hear of a new person, a friend of a friend, a co-workers aunt, a sisters boyfriend, all testing positive. It is creeping closer and closer.
I left my house for the first time in four days today. It is starting to get nice out so we’re taking walks, my family and I. We took a ride down to Lemon Creek par. It’s the best my family and I have gotten along in days. My dad has started working every other day at work so we’re all starting to get exceedingly stir crazy and were taking it out on each other. But today we went on a walk. The birds were all nesting in the group of bird houses in the park and we spent a while watching those. We recreated a picture of my sister, my dad and I from maybe ten years ago, and we walked the beach for about a half hour. My parents told me about an old factory that used to sit right on the water, they hung out there with their friends in the 80’s until it burned to the ground in ’97.
We stopped by my grandparent’s house, we stood at the curb while my grandparents barely stepped out of their doorway. The one thing everyone keeps asking is “Are you going to the store?” or “Do you need something from the store?” this time it was my grandma asking my mom for detergent, coffee and paper towels (if there were any) we stood and talked for a while until we all went back home.
March 31, 2020
Today I went to class and found the class very interesting. We learned about wounds and how any body part can have ulcers. Then I ate some lunch and did more laundry. I have so many clothes, so I think I am going to try to get rid of some of it and give it away. I got Taco Bell for dinner because there was a deal that you get a free taco with your order. I also was persuaded to watch 2 episodes of “Elite” today.
March 24, 2020
Dear Diary,
In case you didn’t already know, I’m home from school because of the Coronavirus. All our
classes will be online now. I have a lot of mixed emotions. A lot of things that I had planned got
cancelled. I was going to see a Broadway show with family, but all Broadway shows got
cancelled. What I had been really looking forward to was a production of the musical Once
Upon A Mattress in April. The cast and crew had been working hard, but unfortunately, the
production got cancelled. It was inevitable, but I cried, nonetheless. I did realize that I need to
gain a little more perspective. This wasn’t the end of the world, and I have many more
opportunities left to perform. Many people are in a way worse situation than I am because of
this virus. I had to be considerate of those people. Another big takeaway is that I made so many
friends during musical rehearsals. They made me feel welcome when I was afraid that I
wouldn’t be welcomed. I miss them all so much. But the big takeaway for me is that I get to
spend more time with my family. In the last few days, we’ve had movie nights, family game
nights, and went on walks in the park (we’re sure to follow social distancing practices). It feels
weird. I can’t greet my parents the way I used to when they come back from their shifts in the
hospital. No hugs. No kisses or high-fives. Just a mere elbow-bump or a wave. It’s not the same.
I had a weird epiphany lately. I’m getting ahead of myself here. I’m looking forward to the end
of the school year, but when the summer break ends, for the first time, I’m not going to be
upset that I’ll be going back to school. This is really the first time I can say I miss school and I
wish I can be there. Classes started yesterday. I’ll put in another entry when this first week is
over.
March 30
Dear Diary,
We have entered week 2 of distance learning. Things are going fine so far. I got a great grade on
a Calculus exam that I took last week. So that made me happy. Many of my friends seem to be
using Zoom rather than Blackboard to communicate with teachers and each other. Today I was
invited to my first Zoom conference, but it wasn’t for school; it was for a club that I am a part of
at school called Mask and Hammer. This club is geared towards anyone interested in theater
like me. We usually hold meetings on Monday, and the club president wanted to try using
Zoom to hold a meeting. So, I joined the video conference, and I was so happy to see my friends
again, whom I all missed very much. We discussed plans of still holding the club’s annual endof-year party through Zoom even though we would not be in the same room. I met my friends’
pets, which made me smile but also jealous because I do not have a pet of my own. I have also
checked up on my friends from high school. I had a long conversation with my friend Vic and
told her I missed her very much and that I hope she is safe with her family. Then I said
something I have not really told anyone else. I worry a lot about my parents. My parents are
both nurses, so they are the essential workers who are allowed out of the house to work. My
parents always come home tired and they tell me that it is frightening working in the hospital
now because they had never seen anything like the coronavirus before. One day my dad
planned to get the family breakfast, but he had to stay extra hours in the ER. I was afraid
something happened to him, but he came home just happy to see me and the rest of my family,
and I was happy to see that he is doing fine. Well that’s it for now.
March 30, 2020
Today I woke up at like 9am which was so weird because I never get up that early. I took a shower and did some homework. I also made myself a healthy breakfast because I was bored. I took a break and watched some Netflix and then I went to class and put some of my clothes away since I just got all my clothes back from college. I also watched an episode of this show “Elite” with my boyfriend.
March 29, 2020
Today I went back to school to get all my stuff. It didn’t take very long but I didn’t realize how much stuff I had in my room. I was also the last one to move out and it was so sad! I forgot to take my roommates stuff she forgot out of her drawer, but she said it was okay. I still feel terrible though. We also made sure we used hand sanitizer after we finished cleaning my room. My RA was also moving out, so I got to say goodbye to him! We were going to get Chinese food for dinner, but no one answered so we made pasta and meatballs for dinner! It was so good.
Maggie McCann || March 28th, 2020
I picked up my things from my dorm today, the most excitement weve had in a few weeks honestly, and the farthest I’ve been from my house in about a month. I got to see Ryan; I’d be lying if I said there weren’t any tears. I don’t know when I’m going t get to see him again after today, it could be months. That’s the worst part of all this, not knowing when it’ll end, no count down it seems endless and its only going to get worse before it gets better.
I’m happy to have my clothes back, id been wearing the same three outfits for the past three weeks, not that I have anything to dress up for, but a nice mix of sweatpants and leggings couldn’t hurt. Its been a week since people have been moving their stuff out of their dorms, my friends across the hall have all moved their things out except for Kiara, it’s a ghost town on campus, everyone’s keeping their distance, getting in and out as fast as we can.
Classes have been going on for about a week now, most professors are keeping us organized and I appreciate that this was thrown on all of us at the same time, one of my classes was video production which was nearly all hands on so I haven’t got anything from that class yet, not sure if I might have to drop it. Schools been keeping me busy and were almost out of March, I’ve stopped watching the news, its helped a lot, nothings getting better.
March 28, 2020
Today I worked on one of my group school projects. I didn’t really do much, but it isn’t due for like 3 weeks. I feel like I have so much homework, but I really don’t I just stress over it. I have been watching a lot of Netflix and I think tonight I am going to use Netflix party with my boyfriend so we can start a show together! I am really excited.
March 27, 2020
Today I watched a movie for my history class and read the article also for it. I then began writing the paper and I got about halfway through it. I also worked a little on my music paper again because I found out I could add more to it. For dinner I had pizza with pulled pork on top and it was really good!
March 26, 2020
Today I woke up for my Nutrition class online and learned a lot. I really enjoy that class, but it was better in person since it is a very hands on class. I also started one of my papers for my orchestra class which I’m not too happy about because I can’t seem to get to the word limit, but I will work on it! It’s not due until May so I have time! I’m super bored and I have trouble falling asleep because I don’t do much during the day so I’m not really using energy. My mom suggested working out in the basement but no thanks!
Maggie McCann || March 25th. 2020
Roughly day nine of self-isolation, I would have had my 8am film class today, followed by Environmental Sustainability at 9am, with a break in classes after usually to go eat, shower/ get ready for the day, then a 12pm video production class. Usually id study for the after noon and have dinner with my friends at 7pm and spent the night with Ryan until I went to sleep.
Ryan had an overnight shift last night but a few hours before he had to leave for it the shift the White House announced anyone who’s left the NYC area within the last 14 days, this includes Ryan, must self-quarantine for two weeks. So Ryan had to decide whether or not to go in. He’s been working with the public for a few weeks now and only worked after close for the last three days so he decided to go in. The new rule also effects whether or not I can get my things from my dorm when im scheduled to on Saturday.
We found out too that my friend, and my sister boyfriend Jonathan’s friend has tested positive for COVID, I had seen Jonathan the weekend Ryan came to visit and Jonathan had seen his friend the day before so now I’m hyper aware of every time I sneeze.
I’ve been way busier with schoolwork than I was expecting, I’m taking a trip to target today I think, after classes, I’m really looking forward to leaving the house. Were taking gloves and hand sanitizer with us just in case.
March 25, 2020
Today I didn’t really do much but I did get a lot of homework done and I am like 3 weeks ahead of homework. I sometimes think I won’t finish all my homework in time so I panic and do it all really early. I guess it is kind of a good thing and a bad thing! I also had my HUEC class and it is always hard to focus because I really do not enjoy that class. I hate being inside and home with my sister. My parents even asked me to start dinner which I did but didn’t really want to do. I think we are having chicken parm for dinner which is really exciting! I cannot believe the school gave us an extra week of spring break.
Maggie McCann || March 24th, 2020
Although this is my first entry, I am roughly a week and one day into self quarantine with my family. I’ve been home from school now two and a half weeks, a week and a half longer than anyone was expecting.
When I left for spring break on March 5th a world pandemic was nowhere on my mind, nowhere in the news, it was not a possibility. As the week went on the world seemed to change overnight. I left on Friday, by Monday schools were closing, the news was on 24/7, but it still felt temporary, a news story that would pass in a week leaving nothing but some examples of the worst and the best of humanity and a few new memes. By Friday it was practically at my doorstep. The number of cases, especially in New York, have been rising by the hundreds day and SUNY schools are officially closed. This was not going away any time soon.
No one was prepared for this, especially my friends from school, other than me and my sister we all live no closer than an hour or two from eachother. We knew we’d have to leave for summer, but we still had so much to do. Formals to go to, birthdays to celebrate and for a few of us, Julie, Karla, and so many more people I know, graduation was around the corner. My friends Julie, Katie and Adalyne, weve all decided to facetime once a week to keep in touch, but were still so lonely stuck at home.
I’m away from my boyfriend too, Ryan. We had a pretty great set up living a dorm away from each other at school but Albany and Staten Island are a bit farther apart. The weekend before everything really shut down he came to visit, just incase he couldn’t by Monday.
He spent three days here, e tried his first New York City bagel and loved it (of course) and I got to show him my highschool and he met more of my family it was an amazing weekend, he left Monday, I have no idea when ill get to see him again.
Monday was definitely my worst day, I couldn’t look at social media, any news I just wanted to shut out everything “COVID” “virus” “pandemic” I am incredibly overstimulated i need school to start back up because I cannot take much more of this.