Diary Entry three:one-hundred and ninety-eight

26 September 2020

Diary Entry Three: One-Hundred and Ninety-Eight

            It’s officially been one-hundred and ninety-eight days since quarantine began, and honestly today has been the worst. Bad days are inevitable, but for some reason they always seem to sneak up on us when we least expect them to. It’s even worse when your favorite person is the cause of your bad day.

            Relationships are tricky, and that’s hardly a profound statement, but it is true. The amount of trust that goes into a relationship has always scared me. When you’re in a relationship, somebody could tell you that they deeply care about you and they could literally just be lying, but for some odd reason you believe them. You really don’t know what’s going on in their brain and you just have to trust that they’re being honest. However, sometimes somebodies’ actions might not reflect what they’ve been telling you. If they really felt strongly about you, why would they do that? If they really meant all the things they said, how could they do something that could hurt you this much? Maybe it really was a mistake on their part, maybe it was malicious, or maybe they’re genuinely confused. You can tell them how much they’ve hurt you with they did, but all you’ll get is a seemingly empty apology. How can you be expected to believe an apology when you’re questioning the authenticity of all the times they told you that they care about you? At the same time, how can you be sure that they aren’t actually remorseful if they truly do care about you? It’s a tough spot to be in, right? The worst part is, you genuinely do have feelings for them, and now you’re left to deal with it, all alone.

Feelings suck.

P.S.: You don’t need him. At all.